Slightly Cracked - Susan Whitfield, Author

 

Mountain Dew Cake

(A Susan Special)

1 box lemon cake mix

1 3.4 oz. box lemon instant pudding mix

1 12 oz. can Mountain Dew (born in North Carolina!)

3/4 cup vegetable oil

4 large eggs

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Lightly grease and flour a 10-cup bundt pan. Combine all ingredients. Beat with mixture until smooth batter. Pour into pan and bake 45-50 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Remove from pan and let cool.

 

 

Slightly Cracked – Review by Martha A. Cheves, Author of Stir, Laugh, Repeat; Think With Your Taste Buds; A Book and A Dish

 

After eighteen holes of golf with his pals, Clayton ran into the kitchen from the mud room with a white face, his underwear dropped to his knees. Mackie Sue flung her spoon into the sink.

“Clayton, what on earth are you doing with your underwear down? I’m busy here, and I’m in no mood for sex right now.”

“Tick on my testicle! It’s seizing up. Get it off!” Mackie Sue sprang into action, getting the tweezers and heating the tips to remove the entire tick—head and all—on the first attempt.

“Just where have you been to get ticks, Clayton?”

“I stayed in the woods on every hole. I played like I’d never picked up a club before in my life.”

“Hold still while I finish up here.” She coated the injured gonad with Vaseline, just in case she’d missed something, and to soothe the traumatized area. Then Clayton tottered off to the sofa while she got back to her cooking, soon hearing a snore from an apparently relaxed if injured husband.

 

Ladies, if that isn’t enough to make you laugh and want to read Slightly Cracked I don’t know what will. And yes, I see this as a ladies book even though you guys would probably enjoy it too if you would just allow yourself to read it.

 

Clayton is Mackie Sue’s husband of many years. She is a high school principal and he is an accountant. Daisy is Mackie Sue’s best friend and has been almost since birth. They know each other like the back of their hands and a bonded friendship that nothing nor no one will tear apart. Daisy is married to Stanley who is a mortician with a deep dark secret that even Daisy doesn’t know. Actually he didn’t know himself that he had a secret until recently. And when it does come to light, it will have a tremendous affect on his and Daisy’s marriage.

 

This book is full of humor. We have two overweight friends who give it their all to lose weight, while eating anything that isn’t on the healthy food list. Both are going through menopause and both feel they have husband problems. And then there are the ‘gaggles’ of geese that Daisy has helped create over the years through feeding and protecting. I’ve read every book written by Author Susan Whitfield and there hasn’t been a one that I haven’t enjoyed but Slightly Cracked has brought out a side of this author that I didn’t know existed. I can’t remember reading another book that has made me laugh as much as Slightly Cracked. Yes, as I said before, it’s basically a female book but it’s also an adult book. It does get a little risqué but with so much humor that you can’t help but love it. Got you guys interested now? I think you would enjoy it too.

Bertha and Tillie Sisters Forever - Fran Lewis, Author

Chicken Kabobs with Grilled Onions

(fRAN'S SISTER'S FAVORITE)

3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons teriyaki sauce
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
Pinch pepper
Pinch salt
1 pound chicken tenders, cut in half
1 bunch green onions
10 wooden skewers, soaked in water for 30 minutes

 

Spray a grill rack with nonstick, nonflammable cooking spray. Preheat the grill to medium-high heat.

In a large re-sealable plastic bag, combine the garlic, soy sauce, lemon juice, teriyaki sauce, olive oil, Worcestershire sauce, pepper, and salt. Add the chicken. Seal the bag and chill for 1 hour.

Drain the chicken, discarding the marinade. Thread the chicken onto the skewers. Arrange the skewers on the grill, and grill until the chicken is done, about 3 minutes on each side. Grill the green onions until browned, about 1 minute on each side. Arrange the green onions on a serving platter. Top with the chicken. Serve immediately.

 

Bertha and Tillie Sisters Forever – Review by Martha A. Cheves, Author of Stir, Laugh, Repeat; Think With Your Taste Buds; A Book and A Dish

 

My mean and horrible cousin said, “Bertha is the one that started the spitball fight in the bathroom. She was throwing them at everyone, and even hit the guards in the face when they tried to stop them. She bumped into one of the guards and knocked him out with her wide butt when she tried to run away. The coach was knocked out when she threw the ball and broke the window, causing it to fall on the volleyball coach. She deserves whatever she gets. Bertha thinks she is so smart. All she is and will always be is fat, ugly, and oversized.”

 

Can you imagine being a young person and have someone talk about you in this manner? And with you standing there too? It has to hurt. Bertha is overweight but what she lacks on the outside she more than makes up for on the inside. She isn’t athletic, she can’t even throw a bowling ball without it landing in the wrong lane. But she is still a good person to know, to be around and one of the best friends you’ll ever have, if you just let her.

 

In Bertha and Tillie Sisters Forever, Bertha tries to find herself. She tries to find just where she fits in her world of peers. While doing this, she doesn’t always make the right choices. One of her tries came when she decided to join a gang that harassed little kids on the playground. She tried it but it just wasn’t in her to be mean. Lesson learned and her next step is taken. Instead of joining a ‘gang’ she decided to create her own. But instead of being mean, Bertha’s gang became a team of investigators who are instrumental in catching the guilty people who broke into the music room and destroyed the instruments, gaining her respect from the teachers and police as well as a few of her classmates.

 

With ‘Adolescent Bullying’ being brought to light lately, Sisters Forever is the perfect book for young people to read. It helps them in understanding that just because you’re fat, you don’t wear designer clothes, your house isn’t a castle or your parents don’t drive the best car, you don’t have to accept bullying from anyone. You do need to stand up for yourself and if you can’t talk to an adult you trust and allow them to help you find the solutions to stop the bullying.

 

Without Consent - Bev Irwin

 

Maple Oatmeal Hazelnut Shortbread
(A Bev Irwin specialty)

 

3/4 cup hazelnuts

1 cup butter, softened

1/4 cup packed SPLENDA brand brown sugar blend

2 tbsp maple syrup

1/2 tsp maple extract

1 1/2 cups quick-cooking (not instant) rolled oats

1 cup all-purpose flour

 

 

In food processor, finely grind hazelnuts, set aside.

In large bowl, beat butter with SPLENDA until light, beat in maple syrup

And maple extract. Stir in oats and flour. Roll into balls using 1 tbsp dough per ball. Roll in nuts to coat. Flatten slightly, place about 1 inch apart on baking sheets. Refrigerate for 30 minutes or until chilled.

 

Bake in 350 degree oven for about 10 min or until puffed and set. Let cool for 1 minute. Transfer to racks, let cool completely. Makes about 36 cookies.

 

Without Consent – Review by Martha A. Cheves, Author of Stir, Laugh, Repeat; Think With Your Taste Buds; A Book and A Dish

He probed for the next vessel, clamping and cutting in a similar fashion. The cavity brimmed with blood and he couldn’t see. But now, it didn’t matter. He had what he wanted. He lifted his hand. He felt resistance. A Tiny tenuous cord stretched out of the wound. Another vein. Grasping the scalpel, he carved through the connecting tissue and the organ came free. For several seconds he nestled the coveted organ as if holding a newborn robin in the palm of his hand. Its warmth seeped through his latex gloves. Below his hand, blood surged into the gaping wound. He shot a glance at the woman’s face. Mary Jane, her driver’s license said. How plane. He’d call her Gabrielle. Yes, she was more beautiful than a Mary Jane.

Dr. Claire Valincourt, works the ER at Grace Memorial Hospital. In her worse dreams she never expected to find what she found while jogging to work one evening. A foot, sticking out of the bushes. It was pale and white and Claire sound found, it was attached to a body. A dead body that looked as though it might be a patient that had for some reason left the hospital after having surgery. There was definitely an incision going down the woman’s stomach and the incision had been stitched back together. But why was she in the park and not still in her hospital bed. That’s a question that the police will have to answer.

Detective Gerry Rosko got the call that there was a body found in the park. What he never expected to find was that the woman didn’t just have surgery within the hospital but somewhere unknown. He learned after the autopsy that the sloppy job of her surgery had allowed her to bleed out and she was missing a kidney. Pressure on him was to find the killer but that pressure was increased tenfold when another victim was found in yet another park. As with the first victim, this one had bled out and was also missing a kidney.

Without Consent had me looking over my shoulder as I walked my dog at night. The tension this book puts out as Rosko tries to find a serial killer before he strikes again had me just about biting my nails. Then when it looks like he may go after Claire I was really on the edge of my seat. This is a good one for Criminal Minds to pick up. It’s believable and will scare the heck out of you for at least a few days.

Ghost Hunting Diary Vol II - T. M. Simmons, Author

Southern Bread Pudding and Jack Daniels Sauce:

(I've revised this recipe so you can make it with a little bit less cholesterol and fat.)

Bread Pudding Ingredients:

1 loaf French bread, a day or two old and in 1-inch squares

1 quart skim or 1% milk
3 Eggbeater eggs, lightly beaten
1 cup Splenda granulated sugar
1 cup regular sugar
2 tbsp. vanilla
2 cup raisins (better if you soak them overnight in ¼ cup bourbon!)
1 cup chopped pecans
½ tsp. cinnamon
½ tsp. nutmeg

 

Cooking spray (I use the type with olive oil)

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. In a large bowl, soak the French bread cubes in the milk until milk is absorbed. In separate bowl, beat Eggbeaters, Splenda and sugar, vanilla and spices together. Stir egg mixture into the bread mixture. Stir in raisins and pecans. Coat the bottom and sides of a 9X13" baking pan with cooking spray. Pour in bread mixture and bake for 35-45 min. Remove from oven when the edges start getting brown and pull away from pan edges.

Jack Daniels Sauce Ingredients:

½ cup melted butter

½ cup Splenda granulated sugar
½ cup regular sugar
1 Eggbeater egg
1 cup Kentucky bourbon whiskey

In a saucepan, whisk melted butter, sugar and egg well. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly until thickens. Don't simmer, or will curdle. Whisk in bourbon and remove from stove. Whisk before serving and pouring over individual servings of warm bread pudding.

Yum, yum!

 

Ghost Hunting Diary Vol II – Review by Martha A. Cheves, Author of Stir, Laugh, Repeat; Think With Your Taste Buds; A Book and A Dish

I don’t much care for my days and nights getting mixed up, but since I won’t take sleeping pills unless I’m desperate, I hadn’t taken any this night. Being ghost-sensitive, though, I had realized that the ghosts were fairly active. I’d heard –and felt – someone several times since I’d settled in the room, and been aware of various noises in the rest of the house that couldn’t be explained away as a roaming cat. I’d also encountered the ghost in the bathroom a couple times: that drop in temperature and the skin-crawl sensation of the energy surrounding a paranormal entity. Normally, I don’t bother turning on the light during my nightly bathroom excursions, but due to that fairly strong presence this night, I did. And I’m not too happy with being watched during what should be a private time, but I don’t have much choice around here. I won’t call them pervert ghosts, but the bathroom ones are male.

This is Author T. M. Simmons talking about her own home, which is haunted, especially her spare bedroom which she calls the Molly-Belle Suite and which accommodates her when she can’t sleep and doesn’t want to wake her husband. She normally gets along with her resident ghosts but that’s only due to her ‘laying down the house laws’ to them. But now and then they will ‘test’ her to see what they can get away with.

In Ghost Hunting Diary Vol. II, T. M. Simmons records some of her experiences in both the cemetery as well as a few haunted buildings. Some of these experiences would scare the pants off people like myself yet all are quite interesting and there are even a few that are quite funny. By funny I’m talking about her records of the Naked Ghost which she found in the Baker Hotel. And her description was so that I don’t think I would mind meeting this ‘Adonis’ghost. But the evil ones she encounters within the Goshen Cemetery I think I’ll pass on.

If you enjoy a good ghost story, you’ll enjoy this series of books – Ghost Hunting Diaries. If you’re a believer, you’ll love these stories. If you’re a non-believer, they just might change your opinion regarding ghosts, ghost hunters and the paranormal world. They have made a believer out of me!

 

Calm Before the Storm - B. J. Robinson, Author

Chicken Dumplings
(From the kitchen of B.J. Robinson)

Ingredients:
1 whole chicken
1 or 2 packages frozen dumplings
½ Tsp. Kitchen Bouquet
½ Tsp. Worcestershire Sauce
Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning

Brown flour and make homemade gravy or take another shortcut and buy three packs of brown gravy mix and a pack of chicken gravy mix.

3 or 4 chicken bouillon cubes
Use onion, garlic, and other seasonings to taste.

If you're from Louisiana, you might decide to sprinkle on some Louisiana Hot Sauce to taste.

I love old-fashioned chicken and dumplings like my former mother-in-law always made, but I love an easy shortcut when I have a taste for dumplings and no time to prepare and roll the dough. I still like to make my gravy for them homemade. Experiment and find what works best for you. This recipe will make a huge pot of dumplings to feed an entire family. We had a large family and one big pot made the meal.

In Calm Before the Storm, my newest romantic suspense, Vera and Douglass agree on something after being apart for years. They both enjoy chicken and dumplings. Want homemade chicken dumplings without all the work of rolling the dough or using drop dumplings, try using frozen dumplings such as Plantation-Style Food Frozen Dumplings. There are other brands, but this one is my favorite. I like the dumplings flat instead of thick. Now, no one I know makes dumplings as great as my former mother-in-law who taught me to cook "the real" homemade ones, but with a busy lifestyle, these serve the purpose. The dumplings taste homemade because everything else is homemade. Prepare your chicken by boiling a hen as usual. You can let it cool and take the skin off, the take the meat from the bone, or you can cut up a whole chicken and boil it, depending on your family's taste. Some people may like white chicken gravy, but I like to brown the flour as I was taught, and I like brown gravy with the chicken taste. Season to taste.

 

Calm Before the Storm by B. J. Robinson– Review by Martha A. Cheves, Author of Stir, Laugh, Repeat; Think With Your Taste Buds; A Book and A Dish

“We’ve been feeding and medicating her intravenously and trying to get her to eat, but all she does is push food around on her plate. I found toast crumbs in her sheets and the bacon strips she tried to hide. She pretends to eat and thinks she’s fooling us.”

Vera said, “I wonder how long she’s been pretending.”

“Not sure, but she’s down to 60 pounds. If she makes it, she’s going to need help.” Sally patted her shoulder. “There are some wonderful Hospice workers who’ve been in and out sitting with her. I’m sure you’ll meet them shortly. It won’t be long before the doctor is due to make his rounds.”

“Hospice?” Vera’s eyes widened. “I don’t understand. She’s not dying. We’re going to get her the help she needs.”

Sally patted her shoulder again. “Like I said, it doesn’t look good. You need to prepare yourself for the worse, just in case. Short of a miracle, we don’t expect her to make it.”

Vera felt like she was going through the repeat of a nightmare she'd lived six years ago when she watched her mother die in the same hospital where her sister, who was suffering from Anorexia Nervosa, an eating disorder, was being treated. Her sister was all she had left. She'd left their hometown years ago when she found that her boyfriend Douglass and her best friend were seeing each other behind her back. But when she walked into the hospital, there he stood waiting to offer his comfort in any way she might need. And he stayed by her side all the way to the end. Would the shot Nurse Sally gave her sister to help her rest turn out to be the last shot of her life?

It wasn’t until Douglass’ best friend Mark’s wife went into the same hospital for minor surgery and didn’t make it back out, that Vera started putting two and two together and came up with one. Something wasn’t right. Both her sister and Mark’s wife were on the mend and could have lived. What happened to them. They all seemed to never wake up after their last shot was given to allow them to rest. And rest they did, forever.

As I read Calm Before the Storm I thought I would be reading a ‘romance’ or ‘love story.’ I was halfway right. The shock for me came when I discovered that this was also a ‘suspense’/’mystery.’ The love that is reflected between two people as well as their love and respect for God is so beautiful but then the devil sticks his hand into the pot and people start dying. I had a hard time putting this one down and I have to admit that I NEVER guessed the ending.

Show Girls and Aliens - Darrell B. Nelson, Author

 

 

Barbecued Reptile
(A Darrell B. Nelson Special!)

The selection of which reptile to cook is the opposite of all other
meats. With birds and mammals you want herbivores, ones that eat plants
and maybe an insect or two. With reptiles you want Carnivores, meat
eaters. The way to figure out which reptiles are meat eaters is to look
at their hides. The rough scaly skin protects them from their dinner
fighting back, if they have smooth skin they eat insects.

Once you've chosen and butchered your reptile, treat the meat like you
would chicken breasts. Have the barbecue at a lower heat than you would
for steaks and cook for longer. Do this because reptiles (like chicken)
can carry some nasty diseases. Make sure the meat is throughly cooked,
tender to a fork and no pink showing and serve.

Reptile meat has a distinct favor that many people enjoy. Barbecuing
brings out this flavor the best. For the BBQ sauce most people recommend
the smoke and vinegar flavored sauces rather than the tomato flavored
sauces. But your individual taste may vary.

So if you happen to find a Reptile Overlord that has been enslaving
humanity since the dawn of time, throw them on the grill and enjoy a
great picnic.

 

Showgirls and Aliens  - Guest Review by Matthew Morrison

 

Surely, Darrell B. Nelson must have abducted Whitney Strieber, Carl Hiaasen, and Larry Flint together, force fed them lysergic laced pizza for days before recording their collaborative ramblings to produce his next offering: Showgirls and Aliens. Nelson's latest story is a hippie trip of swirling vortices. Who else could combine the black latex logic of 1983's TV series "V", the comical hysteria of aliens run amok found in the first MIB, and a stripper with a heart of gold? Now, add a bouncer with a paladin complex and an ancient bisexual reptilian alien overlord with an ovipositor the size of a Mack truck, and you begin to wonder if the brownie you are munching on tastes a little 'green.' Nelson's imagination streams off the page in multi-colored trailers only to be chased by the chrome gnats of horror from his sophomore effort in the "Vekman Series."

 

PS - Darrell, I found this amusing anecdote shoved on a shelf in a local Florida food co-op next to the homemade brownie mix and the patchouli spritzers.

Olivia's Gift - Nancy Carabio Belanger, Author

 

Grandma's Lime Gelatin Surprise
(Feeds a crowd!)

 

1 large or 2 small packages lime gelatine
1 can (20 oz.) pineapple pieces not drained (You need
  1 cup of liquid here.  You may have to add water to make
  1 cup of liquid)
1 pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened
1 cup ginger ale
2 cups boiling water

 

Mix 2 cups boiling water with gelatin and dissolve completely.  Add softened cream cheese to ginger ale and mix well.  Add mixture to gelatine.  Add undrained pineapple and juice (1 cup), mix well.  Refrigerate until firm.

 

 

Olivia’s Gift – Review by Martha A. Cheves, Author of Stir, Laugh, Repeat; Think With Your Taste Buds; A Book and A Dish

 

“He set before me a book of nature; I understood how all the flowers He has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away from the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wildflowers. And so it is in this world of souls, Jesus’ garden. He willed to create great souls comparable to lilies and roses, but He has created smaller ones and these must be content to be daisies or violets destined to give joy to God’s glances when He looks down at His feet. Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He wills us to be.” - St. Therese

 

Olivia Thomas has loved and cherished her books of her favorite saint St. Therese of Lisieux for a long time now. She follows St. Therese’s ‘little ways’ in everything she does, or at least she tries. But things are about to change for Olivia when her family are invited to spend a whole month at her Aunt and Uncle’s house on the beach. The house is beyond beauty, in Olivia and her friend Hayley’s eyes as they see it, the ocean and the kids that reside around it. The surrounding houses as well as the people inside those houses all have one thing in common – money, and lots of it. That is except for Olivia and her family. In fact, her family may have to really start ‘pinching pennies’ due to her dad being laid off and not really sure when he’ll be called back to work. But for now, they will enjoy a full month of living in a beautiful home by the ocean.

 

Like St. Therese, Olivia strives to do what’s right. She treats people the way she would like to be treated, shares with everyone and never lies. She’s even started a project of saving her money to sponsor a young girl’s family in Guatemala. But that is all about to change as Olivia and Hayley meet their next door neighbors Brooke and Brandon. Two kids whose family has given them everything they could ever dream of – but love, attention, discipline, rules. They basically do as they please, not caring who nor what is hurt in the process. And meeting these two has put Olivia into a position of shame. Shame that her own family has no money but does have rules that in order to fit in Olivia must lie about owning her Aunt and Uncles home, traveling around the world and being a ‘little rich girl’ that goes to a private school. She must also use the money she has saved for her project to buy things she doesn’t really need just to fit in. But we all know that sooner or later our lies and actions catch up with us. So what does Olivia do to mend her ways? That’s a question you’ll have to find out by reading Olivia’s Gift.

 

Olivia’s Gift is a book that EVERY young girl needs to read. The positions Olivia and Hayley find themselves in are positions I feel sure they can all relate to. I know I could and I’ve been grown for a long time. These situations never change from generation to generation. They are always there and hopefully Olivia’s Gift is a book that will help young girls understand the ‘whys’ as well as the’ what to dos’ when faced with the decisions Olivia had to face. I highly recommend that every parent with a daughter of reading age present her with a copy of Olivia’s Gift. I also recommend that the parents read it too so they can be there to help their daughter through this hurdle in their life.